 Yes, gossip exists in the church. The number one reason for gossip in the church is, that we do not
understand what gossip really is and what God wants us to do about it.
Let us look at the true meaning of the word gossip. It means "rumor or sensational talking about
intimate events". The word carries the connotation of "whispering"
What are the words used in the Bible to describe gossip as we know it today? They are the
following: slander and malicious talking.
Let's look at some definitions:
Slander - Oral defamation The speaking of false and malicious words that injure another persons
reputation, business, or property rights.
Malice- Ill will; Intentionally harming someone; having no moral or legal justification for harming
someone.
Malice Aforethought - An intention to seriously harm someone or to commit a serious crime.
Malicious - Done intentionally from bad motives
Defamation - Injuring a person's character or reputation by false and malicious statements.
The following are answers to frequently asked questions on gossip. Gossip is the malicious talking about another person's intimate dealings. Gossip is not just something "I heard". It's rumor, slander, malicious talking. It may not even be true. As Christians it should never be our desire to hurt another person. Talking about another person behind his or her back is not in the will of God for any Christian. Don't do it. Remember, you could be a gossipers next victim. It tears apart relationships. Gossip has the ability to tear apart any relationship we might have. It can
tear down our relationships with our family, our spouse, our children, our friends, and our God. If
we gossip we will tear down families and friends. Ultimately, we will breakdown our own
relationship with the Lord. He is not pleased when we use our tongue unwisely. God desires that our
speech be used to edify and encourage others, not destroy them.
The following are a few verses to illustrate what happens when one is involved in gossip:
Proverbs 11:13 "He who goes about as a tale bearer reveals secrets."
Proverbs 16:28 "A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends."
Yes. Gossip destroys relationships and families. It breaks down trust and damages our Christian
testimony.
Proverbs 18: 8 "The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels".
Proverbs 20:19 "He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets."
Proverbs 26:20 "For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer contention quiets down."
The Apostle Paul was fearful of such behavior in Corinth, he said in 2 Corinthians 12: 20 " For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances;"
Proverbs 10:18 "He who coneals hatred has lying lips and he who spreads slander is a fool."
David asked the Lord who could dwell in His house. This is God's answer:
Psalm 15:1 " Oh Lord, who may abide in Your tent? Who may dwell in Your holy hill?
[2] He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart.
[3] He does not slander with his tongue nor does evil to his neighbor,,"
The Epistles have much to say about holy living and included therewith is God's desire that His
children not be involved in the sin of gossip.
Ephesians 4:31- 5:2 [31] " Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
[32] Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
5:[1] Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;
[2] and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma."
Colossians 3:8-10 - [8] " But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.
[9 ] Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices.
[10] and have put on th new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him---".
1 Timothy3:11 - "Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things."
1 Timothy 5:14 - "Therefore I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;"
Titus 3:1-2 - [1] " Remind them to be subject to rulers, to authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good deed,
[2] to malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration forall men".
James 4:11 - "Do not speak against one another brethren."
1 Peter 2:1-2 - "[1] Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocisy and envy and all slander.
[2] like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the Word,so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation."
You may share something as a prayer request only if you have permission from the person the request is about. If she does not wish for you to share it with anyone, do not do it. If you do, you are gossiping. Has anyone ever come and asked you to pray for a certain friend of theirs, then proceeded to tell
you all the details of that persons situation?
Have you ever shared something personal about yourself with someone you trusted, only to find out
later that they had told everyone in their Bible study group? Have you ever told someone something
intimate about another person without her permission?
If you have ever been involved in any of the above situations , you have either gossiped or been
gossiped to. Let's look at What God wants in our speech.
" Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how
to answer everyone Colossians 4:6"
What we say to another ought to be encouraging, not destructive. If we gossip, we are not using
our tongue the way God intends. Gossip is something we must rid ourselves of in order to live a holy
life.
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Here is a test for determining if you are involved with gossip:
1. Does it edify?
2. Do I have permission to share what I know?
3. Is it necessary to speak about this?
4. Will someone be hurt by it?
5. Will it glorify the Lord?
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1. Did they tell me not to tell?
2. Did they whisper?
3. Did they have permission to tell me?
1. Ask if they have permission to tell what they are about to share.
2. Stop them before they give any details.
3. Tell them, that if they have a problem with someone, they should go to that person privately first.
4. REMEMBER: If this person will talk about others so easily and freely, what are they saying about you?!
It is important to note that we are to bear with one another and encourage them during the difficult
times in their lives. Galatians 6:2 tells us to " Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ."
However, we are not to use the information we may have about someone to gossip. Most of the time
we tell people things in confidence. This does not mean that the person we share our heart with can
go and tell everyone else she knows or vice versa.
No, you may not tell your pastor anything about another person. You must follow the biblical pattern for righting wrongs. This pattern does not include talking to your pastor. The biblical pattern is to go to the person with whom you have a conflict and work it out among yourselves ---privately! If the person who has offended you will not listen to you, then you may bring two or three witnesses. The biblical model for this is found in Matthew 18 and is discussed below.
You may not discuss anything you know about another person with your pastor for two reasons:
1. You are gossiping, which is sin
2. You are involving your pastor in the gossip and causing him to sin.
When confronted by a parishioner about another, 1. Have you talked to the person with whom you have this conflict?
If your pastor asks you any other questions, he is gossiping and involving you in gossip. If your answer to his question is no, then you must go immediately to the person and confront him privately. If the answer is yes, and the person was unwilling to hear you, then you must follow the biblical pattern laid out in Matthew 18.
If your pastor comes to you and begins talking about others in the church and asking you questions about them, under the guise that he needs to know what is happening in the church, tell him you will not gossip about a fellow believer and recite for him some Scriptures on the subject.
If necessary, end your discussion with him. A pastor should not be involved in gossip for any reason. Remember, if he is asking you about others in the church, he may be asking them about you. This is sin. Pray for your pastor.
If you have a problem with a brother or sister in Christ, you should go to that person privately and
tell them what they have done to hurt or offend you or where they have strayed from the truth of the
Word of God.
Matthew 5:23-24 [23]"Therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you,
[24] leave your offering there before the altar, and go,; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering."
Matthew 18:15 - [15] "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault, in private; If he listens to you, you have won your brother.
[16] But if he does not listen to you, take one or two with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed."
[17] If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile an a tax collector."
The two of you ought to be able to work it out. If she will not hear you, then you should take two
or three witnesses and if she will not hear them, then you are to bring it before the whole body. This
is not an easy thing to do. It requires much prayer and wisdom.
Anytime we go to another to correct their course we should be doing it to help them in their
relationship with the Lord. We should never begin this process unless we are willing, as God would have us to be, for that brother or sister to be reconciled to the Lord. Reconciliation is the ultimate goal in church discipline.
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We must watch our speech. It should be our prayer that God would guard our tongue and help us to speak with grace and wisdom. For this is pleasing to the Lord. If we must rebuke, or correct, it is important that we not use our own words but the words of God. "Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation Used by permission." (www.Lockman.org) |